Tag Archives: Poem

It’s Been So Long by Aubrie Hardeman

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Here we are, it’s been so long.
Opportunities passed and now you’re gone.
You were my light, but I’m in the dark.
The days roll by and the nights creep in, digging a deeper mark.
Autumn is here with an unwelcoming bitter wind.
Life is dull, and so are you- nearing my end.
The streets remain silent; the lights remain out, as I walk.
I rummage through my mind only to be in mental block.
I look back on all of things we used to do.
I have a constant craving to see you.
I search for you, but you’re not there.
I can still hear your whispers, as you silently stare.
I once thought I could feel you with me.
Who knew you were the only one who could set me free.
Some mad hope for a sign or two, but I’m still alone- without you.
I’m so scared to lose all of our memories.
I get the constant feeling of scratched emeries.
I used to know what is now not so clear.
How every day I can’t forget and I’ll always wish you’re here.
This is what it’s like to be deprived of a person you were in love with forever.
This is how it feels not getting to be by your side, never.
You started my life, and taught me so much.
How to live, love, and such.
You wouldn’t find many cracks on our walls, now all you’ll see are our barren halls.
I’m scared I’ll forget the outlines of your face, and the sound of your voice that can be so easily erased.
That was my comfort and solid ground.
I fell asleep to your yawning; now there’s absolutely no sound.
My hands shake, and the tears fall down.
I know that in them I will surely drown.
My body quaked, my heart ached.
Your smile burned in my mind slowly until I couldn’t think anymore.
Blurred vision; and I heard the approaching thunder roar.
Every day I wake, I wake only to wake again.
Those days I will take, but not heart.
The world around me is falling apart.
Or is it just me?
Brutally lonely.
I would run so far just to feel your hand in mine.
Just so I could kiss your forehead, and be in peace with a comfort that everything is fine.
The delicacy is life, and that is the truth.
The lesson we all learn over and over again through someone like you.
When I feel scared, too caught up in the darkness, I’ll open my eyes.
You’re killing me, dragging me down with your absence only to my surmise.
I’m in a circle without direction, wasted in the rum.
My mind is flat, my skin is rough, and my legs are completely numb.
This floor is mine to borrow.
I rest my head and listen to the comforting silence through sorrow.
The silence is your voice now.
I’ll lie for hours and listen.
My ear pressed, with disruption of footsteps here and there causing all the more missing.
I’m losing myself and sanity.
My newest language is profanity.
When I fall asleep I don’t want to wake up.
You were my dreams, now my nightmare poured into a hollowed cup.
I find that in my slumber, I am always shaken.
It’s true that when you left, my heart was also taken.
Sometimes when the silence is broken by my voice, I count out loud how many days it’s been.
How many hours ago it was when I last saw you, ultimately wrapped up to fin.
My everything in a state of no change.
How life can be so deranged.
I would give anything for you to be here and for me to be there.
This is not a point I am proving, it’s the way things are.
My soul is barren and I am weak dazed in a burnt out star.
The sunlight hit my vanity this morning, and I looked out the window to see life.
I felt sympathetic but only for a moment, for my widowed wife.
The leaves have changed, as well as the season.
My body is trapped in a house just as treason.
I shut my eyes, and blocked out everyone.
My friends, gone. I’m not one to be brawn.
One of our conversations from last summer is on my mind this evening.
I begged you that if I died, you’d spread my ashes out and away from this city.
It’d be nice but it’s not the same- life is not nearly as pretty.
I heard you sigh, the noise coming from the frame of my door
I walked over expecting to see you, but there’s only a closed door.
I can’t take this pain anymore.
Echoes of myself marked up and down my chest.
I took one final look around, knowing this is a much needed rest.
The shadow of my face is nowhere to be found.
One little click- one big sound.
Grief over came me, this was my latest flaw.
In a way a bullet saved me- my heart no longer raw.
And here we are in an abyss of all this wrong, yet here we are.
It’s been so long.

About the Author & Work
Aubrie Hardeman
San Antonio, TX
MacArthur High School
November 22, 2011

My uncle passed away a week before I wrote this. He committed suicide and no one knew why. He was happy and married to his wife, and had children and grandchildren. He and his wife were together since their junior year of high school. I thought about how hard it would be to lose someone that was your world, someone who was everything to you, ultimately losing yourself. Some people are strong and can look past what they lost, but some people can’t. This was written for the ones who can’t.

Submission Type: Poem
Category & Place: Written, 4th Place

Empathy: The Mother of Understanding Another

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Understanding is the hardest part
Taking what we “know best” and ripping it apart
Forgetting what we’ve been taught
A new perspective to be sought

So easy to interject, and tune out
So easy to look away, and get loud
A habit that denies ourselves and each other
Of the harsh realities that we suffer

I promise it’s worth the bloody tongue
An attempt at patience and an open ear
Detaching ourselves from any previous association
Like a human journal that also intensifies discussion

Let’s learn to accept the harshness and grow
Understanding that it’s okay to hurt, it’s okay to cry
It’s okay to aspire, it’s okay to thrive
Human happens, and it’s alright
As long as empathy and truth direct our sight

I want to know what it feels like to live in your skin
Beyond my decision is the body I reside in
So what gives me the right to think I am greater?
To stomp on your dreams, or to think I am lesser?

See, I often grapple with both myself and external judges
Every day these weights of superficial smudges
But then I remember that it is alright and in our nature
To be a little selfish, self-conscious, and immature

And since understanding is a whole new world
On the flying carpet of empathy let the truth be told
It’s a fact we do struggle with self-inhibiting tendency
And that’s why genuine discourse is the most precious remedy

Mentality

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What are 5 adjectives you think of when you first see yourself in the mirror? What are 5 adjectives you think of when describing your personality and character?
(Answer the first 2 questions before moving on)

Do any of the 10 adjectives you listed have a negative connotation? Why or why not?

Through deep reflection and recent confrontation, I have come to find that self-doubt, a “not good enough” mentality, and a deficit view of ourselves serve as severe insecurity boosters that can arrest our adolescent spirits, causing us to hold back, feel confused or unworthy, and prevent us from wholeheartedly being our greatest selves. In order to break the old habits, though, I find it necessary to start by being completely honest with ourselves, by learning how to trust our primary thoughts & inclinations, and by sharing those deep internal challenges or struggles with someone other than just ourselves.

On a personal level: We can begin to ask questions such as,
“Who am I? Is there anything holding me back from being who I truly am or strive to be? What and/or Why/why not?
(If applicable) Do I ever feel unworthy or “lesser”? Why/why not? Am I great? Why/whynot?
What were to happen if I were to fail? How would I respond? If I fall down…does it even matter? Do I care what others will think?
Am I in charge of my own character and life direction? How can I assure that I will always be in charge?”

Beyond the self: This past week, a good friend allowed me to confess my previously avoided insecurities. It was a friend who listened and allowed me to honestly speak, and a friend who confronted me stating, “It hurts to know that you are so incredibly hard on yourself…that you dwell on what is lacking, and not on what is illuminating in your spirit.” Right then, I understood the root of my disheartening condition, and I recognized the beauty of true friendship; understanding, listening, and growing from the subconscious consent of mutual vulnerability. A friend to hear us out, to challenge negativity…may be what it takes to change the mentality…and set us free:

Mentality
These mental games we play
If we’re not careful, can get in the way
Of what makes us who we are;
Those smiles that shine brighter than the stars
Are too precious
To let the shadow of doubt or the clouds of regret
Hover over our conscience
Eager jaws upset
That the ominous forecast
Prevented pure thought
Prevented pure words
Unshackled freedom they sought

But freedom can’t occur unless our neurons see light
The deficit storms overpowered by the bright,
Radiant rays of the most critical honesty
That recognize and address
Our own insecurity
Time to share and breakdown, letting rainstorms pour out
Tears of revealed revelation, so personally paramount
The games are over, because we’re no longer alone
No longer hiding ourselves, from the empathetic sun

Freedom, it feels
Like life is delicious
Looking at the beauty, ignoring all ill wishes
Because what matters most is our greater vision
Knowing that we make the rules
As the founders of our life’s mission

In the Bliss

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To recognizing the moments that give us happiness…Enjoying the company of others, and never allowing these moments to slip from our daily grip.

In the Bliss
It’s fair to say
That on any given day
Time will pass
Moments will last
But you’ll know when
THAT FEELING kicks in
Where nothing else matters
But the laughter and honest chatter

The time that’s passed
Tomorrow’s shadow cast
The location we’re in
Or obligations to tend
Mean nothing at all
For this moment
Is too important

It will last forever
And so we all wish
Ultimately happy
In the Bliss

A Night at GIG

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I sat down excited, and stimulated by the retro-lounge décor that filled every inch of GIG, a one room venue that hosts original, “no covers allowed”, open mic nights every Thursday. With about twelve people total in the audience, the environment was extremely mellow, leaving me feeling incredibly close and officially inducted into this random assortment of musically, comically, and poetically inclined individuals. Jim from Michigan was up first, a tall, rugged old soul who played acoustics about puffing the times away and loving one another. Very whiskey and sunshine. As he played, the acoustics and sounds filled the entire room, disco ball, spotlight, and assorted color rotating disco ball all a blaze. Surreal; as if I had just taken a time machine back to the seventies, situated in the living room of my great-uncle Jim as he shared with us his assortments of string plucking and mid-Vietnam sentiments. Incredible. The rest of the night warped me through the same tunnel of stranger intimacy, allowing me to realize that at GIG, it was about the present emotions and content over the looks or previous accolades. We were twelve strangers given ten minutes and a microphone.We were twelve strangers, now connected with each other emotionally. We were twelve strangers, with our wedding veils pulled back.

In San Antonio and interested in performing your original work?
I highly recommend performing at GIG.
http://gigonthestrip.110mb.com/

Most important thing to do…show up with an open mind.

The Brain = Our World, The World = Our Brains

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We’ve got to fight for the right to understand
Who we are and what truly matters…
What we believe and How to express it,
What we think and How to say it,
Who we love and How to show it,
What we dream and How to create it;
Why we live, love, laugh, and cry
Why we sing, dance, scream, and die

If we just take the time to sit and ponder
More sense will be made
Out of the worlds we now wander
Our brains and this globe so complexly designed
So easy to get lost in this short span of time
The key–to always keep true to the heart;
The brain will process, the body may act.
It’s important to act, though,
For we can never turn back
And what we do can make change
And what we say and create will make that change;
From our thoughts and ideas all stored in our brains

So it’s important to think, and more important to act
We feel so much, but lose meaning on the tracks
Not defined by ourselves, but by other’s great minds
You’ve got one too, so don’t you leave yours behind

Labels

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Put a label on something, and you’ll know exactly what to expect inside and exactly what should comprise the entity it describes. Unfortunately, we get into this habit of label-ization with people each and every day…but why? Humans are too complex and too unique to be packaged together into restrictive sectors of our social society…and although it may seem that we are generalizing based on say physical truths, political ideals, or religious beliefs…all that genuinely matters is how we interact, learn from, share and collaborate with each other. Nature and materials aside, we’re all we’ve got…not matter what part of the globe we come from…no matter what we look like. The day we come to realize that we are all simply human, we are all individual, and respecting that we are all subject to our own opinions…is the day invalid assumptions, underestimating negativity, and intrapersonal injustice will cease to exist

Labels
The labels of our world
Overcome every inch of our innocent bodies
I got a sticker for everything I represent…
No, for everything they think I represent
STAMP- Hispanic, Smart, Liberal, Jesus Freak
STAMP- Short, Hairy, Nerdy, Physically Weak
Accumulating
Until the soul has no painless means of unraveling from
This stereotypical tangle
We “fit in”…
Only because they say so

Slowly unpeeling these adhesive generalizations
You will find
The one that speaks to all faces and nations
HUMAN
That permanent tattoo ingrained under the surface
HUMAN
The one incapable of tearing us apart
From the concrete reality
Of what it means to be
HUMAN

See, each and every one of us-Feels, Breathes, Lives
In this same world
Born, raised, and deceased
Through similar fleshy mediums
We are simply
HUMAN
Not confined by titles
But ideally by the words that flow from our throats
What we do and what we create
What we value, believe, and advocate

Just know you can escape, though,
From this jungle of assumptions
Because when the panthers, the cheetahs, and jaguars conspire
They attack with no meaning because you’re what they desire
A young soul to chew up…all due to these labels
You’re now the target, and so willing to accept it
Yet all of these attacks, no matter what has been deemed
Mean nothing at all
For it’s your own self esteem
That defines
Who you are and
What you will do
In this life…
Your ambition
Your own inner truth