Here we are, it’s been so long.
Opportunities passed and now you’re gone.
You were my light, but I’m in the dark.
The days roll by and the nights creep in, digging a deeper mark.
Autumn is here with an unwelcoming bitter wind.
Life is dull, and so are you- nearing my end.
The streets remain silent; the lights remain out, as I walk.
I rummage through my mind only to be in mental block.
I look back on all of things we used to do.
I have a constant craving to see you.
I search for you, but you’re not there.
I can still hear your whispers, as you silently stare.
I once thought I could feel you with me.
Who knew you were the only one who could set me free.
Some mad hope for a sign or two, but I’m still alone- without you.
I’m so scared to lose all of our memories.
I get the constant feeling of scratched emeries.
I used to know what is now not so clear.
How every day I can’t forget and I’ll always wish you’re here.
This is what it’s like to be deprived of a person you were in love with forever.
This is how it feels not getting to be by your side, never.
You started my life, and taught me so much.
How to live, love, and such.
You wouldn’t find many cracks on our walls, now all you’ll see are our barren halls.
I’m scared I’ll forget the outlines of your face, and the sound of your voice that can be so easily erased.
That was my comfort and solid ground.
I fell asleep to your yawning; now there’s absolutely no sound.
My hands shake, and the tears fall down.
I know that in them I will surely drown.
My body quaked, my heart ached.
Your smile burned in my mind slowly until I couldn’t think anymore.
Blurred vision; and I heard the approaching thunder roar.
Every day I wake, I wake only to wake again.
Those days I will take, but not heart.
The world around me is falling apart.
Or is it just me?
Brutally lonely.
I would run so far just to feel your hand in mine.
Just so I could kiss your forehead, and be in peace with a comfort that everything is fine.
The delicacy is life, and that is the truth.
The lesson we all learn over and over again through someone like you.
When I feel scared, too caught up in the darkness, I’ll open my eyes.
You’re killing me, dragging me down with your absence only to my surmise.
I’m in a circle without direction, wasted in the rum.
My mind is flat, my skin is rough, and my legs are completely numb.
This floor is mine to borrow.
I rest my head and listen to the comforting silence through sorrow.
The silence is your voice now.
I’ll lie for hours and listen.
My ear pressed, with disruption of footsteps here and there causing all the more missing.
I’m losing myself and sanity.
My newest language is profanity.
When I fall asleep I don’t want to wake up.
You were my dreams, now my nightmare poured into a hollowed cup.
I find that in my slumber, I am always shaken.
It’s true that when you left, my heart was also taken.
Sometimes when the silence is broken by my voice, I count out loud how many days it’s been.
How many hours ago it was when I last saw you, ultimately wrapped up to fin.
My everything in a state of no change.
How life can be so deranged.
I would give anything for you to be here and for me to be there.
This is not a point I am proving, it’s the way things are.
My soul is barren and I am weak dazed in a burnt out star.
The sunlight hit my vanity this morning, and I looked out the window to see life.
I felt sympathetic but only for a moment, for my widowed wife.
The leaves have changed, as well as the season.
My body is trapped in a house just as treason.
I shut my eyes, and blocked out everyone.
My friends, gone. I’m not one to be brawn.
One of our conversations from last summer is on my mind this evening.
I begged you that if I died, you’d spread my ashes out and away from this city.
It’d be nice but it’s not the same- life is not nearly as pretty.
I heard you sigh, the noise coming from the frame of my door
I walked over expecting to see you, but there’s only a closed door.
I can’t take this pain anymore.
Echoes of myself marked up and down my chest.
I took one final look around, knowing this is a much needed rest.
The shadow of my face is nowhere to be found.
One little click- one big sound.
Grief over came me, this was my latest flaw.
In a way a bullet saved me- my heart no longer raw.
And here we are in an abyss of all this wrong, yet here we are.
It’s been so long.

About the Author & Work
Aubrie Hardeman
San Antonio, TX
MacArthur High School
November 22, 2011

My uncle passed away a week before I wrote this. He committed suicide and no one knew why. He was happy and married to his wife, and had children and grandchildren. He and his wife were together since their junior year of high school. I thought about how hard it would be to lose someone that was your world, someone who was everything to you, ultimately losing yourself. Some people are strong and can look past what they lost, but some people can’t. This was written for the ones who can’t.

Submission Type: Poem
Category & Place: Written, 4th Place